There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Randomize
