I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
