I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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