I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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