I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
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