I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Randomize
