...so i touched it.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
