it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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