one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
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