Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
