i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Walk of Shame today included voting.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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