Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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