Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Someone signed my nipple.
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