I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
