He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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