Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
