I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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