I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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