she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
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