my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Randomize
