i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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