so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
