If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
