What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
