I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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