I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Randomize
