If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I cut my penus on the lid.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
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