we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
