my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I intend to get homeless drunk
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Randomize
