I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Randomize
