eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
