Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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