I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
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