you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
