We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
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