The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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