Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
