They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Randomize
