Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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