You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
