i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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