I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
wanna go halves on a baby?
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
