I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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