I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
