Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
