Can i not drive my cunt home
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
