So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
