Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
