I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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