Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
