i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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