I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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