i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
