I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I think my moral compass just broke
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
