I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
