census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
