So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
