All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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