he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
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I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
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You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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