You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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