How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
