Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Randomize
