That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Randomize
