It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
And the cops told us we were all naked.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
