dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
