Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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