well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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