I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Randomize
